Vent Chat
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Hey Buddy,
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With warmth,
Abbas Mohammed
I’ve been really struggling the past several months, and the depression has been getting worse and worse, and life has just kept piling on more and more roles and responsibilities, so it’s all been really overwhelming.
And then I find out my partner of nearly 20 years did something unforgivable and has destroyed my entire life on top of already being ready to not exist any more.
I am thankfully not truly dependent on him, but I do live in his house and part of my income is through his business, and literally all of my plans for the next 20 years revolves around being here with him, so I don’t really have anywhere that I could go if I left.
Im devastated and angry and have no one else to tell so you folks get to listen to me whine about it.
I don’t know what to do. My heart is broken and my life is a shambles and I don’t know how to do it any more.
I’m having extreme anxiety, depersonalisation and can’t sleep
Fuck I think I’m actually gonna try to kms this February, like actually try because I always be bullshitting and idk I think that’s annoying of me like stfu and do something instead of whining. Like I just feel like it’s too much, I can’t take it anymore, I don’t even know what would fix me anymore
I don’t know what I want or why I’m even sad, I keep having to tell myself like “you’re fine” “you’re being dramatic” “give it time” I just, I’m sad and I can’t pinpoint the reason, I can’t fix it or identify it and I’m tired, I’m tired I’m so fucking tired im confused and I’m exhausted and I’m upset and I just want a hug right now I think.
I guess what I’m saying is,
I love guitar and I love you almost just as much!
I’m tryna compare you to my favorite thing on the earth!
Because you have no damn idea just how much you’re worth…
I can’t stand people anymore and I just want to give up. It’s becoming too much for me to the point I’m so mentally exhausted and can’t even pick up an instrument or a pen. Every tiny thing makes me cry: one “off” text, someone accidentally taking my lunch, or even just getting a question wrong. I’ve been having anxiety attacks so bad that my supervisors and managers have to sit me down in an office behind a closed door to help me calm down. I just need to make it to college this fall and I feel everything will get better with a fresh view, activities, and set of people.
Nuns commence incanting as the lightning strikes mine temples thus,
Electrifying mine chambers, wholly scorching out thine sovereignty.
So spiraling down thy majesty,
I beg of thee, have mercy on me..
I was just a boy, you see!!
I plead of thee have sympathy for me.
“So if love conquers all, then all else must have failed! I mean, who wants to fall? Can’t we just take the stairs?” /lyr
I think influencers who already record people to ask questions despite the person not wanting to be filmed and involved and proceeds to post the footage should be executed by firing squad. It being a public area isn’t a fucking excuse
If you ever think your mother hates you or if yours is terrible. Just know that when I attempted at my own life (due to my mother’s ongoing abuse). She cried at the paramedics that she’s the victim and I’m the bad one instead of worrying if I was safe or not. She cared more about her image than her own child’s life 🙂 Thanks mom
low-key I chew on pennies I get at the foodlion in hopes I get zinc and lead poisoning and fucking die
time to rant
so this isn’t negative, I’m just about to list all the reasons and explain why I’m upset so that maybe we can end the confusion???? idk I just want this to help…
So basically, I ended up crying to my mother the Saturday before all this shit started. she said some things, don’t know exactly what, but then the realization hit me that maybe it was time for a change. I wanted to change my life, make better desicions, maybe not have the same people bother me over and over. (side note; holy shit flat.io just got blocked NOOO) so for the next few days I thought over it, pulled out my old pendulum even, and was sure that it was the right thing to do, for me and for all of you.
Truth is, I felt kinda stuck, I think. I didn’t really notice how I felt until the feeling was gone and I felt better. I felt like I couldn’t voice my discomfort for fear of hurting you, so I stayed quiet. But it’s kinda like the line from that one lovelytheband song: “To start pouring the love into myself that I always saved for someone else”. I spent so much time worrying about you, accommodating for you, ignoring my own feelings to make you feel better. But I never even noticed how I felt until I didn’t feel that way anymore when I left. It’s like a sound that you don’t notice is there till it’s gone. I decided it was time for me to start listening to myself. And though I tried, I just couldn’t do that when I was hanging around you all the time.
But there were also other reasons. I left for my benefit, but also yours. I felt myself changing in a way that would leave me unable to support you, and I knew that we’d end up drifting anyway. I just couldn’t decide whether or not it would be better if I just left now and risked hurting you, or if it would be better to let the drift happen and risk hurting and confusing you. I guess the quicker one seemed better in the long run. Because now, at least you know the reason? idk. I never wanted you to be this mad at me, and I never wanted to end up mad at you.
And I broke up with my partner, not because of the card, but for other reasons. for one, I was generally overwhelmed by his intense affection. It was too much, but I don’t see that as a character flaw in me or in you; i just started to become too little compared to you. The relationship was getting pretty one-sided and I didn’t want to keep you there because I knew that would hurt you more than any of this.
And my life isn’t perfect now either, lol. I still fell for a straight girl (CURSE MY UTTER GAYNESS!!!!!!!) and I’m still anxious as hell, but… I’m not stuck anymore! and it seriously hurts me to see how much I hurt you. but while you would’ve been happy had I stayed, I would still be stuck. And none of this is your fault; it’s all just me being me tbh.
aurgh sorry for the yap I’m just- hhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m just tired of fighting…
[targeted] sometimes i just wish we could actually be friends again without people judging. that’s probably too much to ask from anyone though yk?
I LOVE WOMEN!!!
ahhhhhhhhh just another day of hoping my parents don’t think anything of the crystals scattered all over my desk….
i cant get myself to hate you and i hate myself for it(you know who you are. respond if you want, i wont mind)
I got SA’ed when I was less than ten years old, by my younger cousin. I didn’t know what it was back then, and i’d always pity myself whenever that memory pops up. After that, I started getting hypersexual until now that i’m twenty. I touch myself a lot and get disgusted after, i’m a mess. I want someone to love me, but I would always feel like I don’t deserve any love after what I’ve been doing to myself. They might het disgusted and hate me, and leave me and then i’ll just end up being alone all over again. I learned solitude at an early age, because I was the middle child first of all, and I wasn’t always the best at things so people didn’t really acknowledge me that well. I’d literally just settle for being an option or being alone most of the time so i’m honestly yearning for someone to come seek for me instead of me seeking for other people. I’m tired. I just want someone to love me.
please someone love me. give me ALL your attention. adore me! care about me! I’ll perform a show just for you. all I need you to do is watch it. applaud. don’t care to meet the actor behind it. I’ll do anything so long as you just keep liking me. I’d get on my knees and worship you without a second thought. I’ve been deprived of attention and love for too long. just please. someone see me.
not exactly a vent but my headmates (we are a system) made a cult to worship a REAL person that we don’t know and I’m not sure how to respond to it-
(This was taken directly from my journal. I suppose I wrote this a couple nights ago. I wasn’t in my right mind, and don’t really remember it. Please remember that pretty much NONE of this is stuff I would’ve written had I been in my right mind. Certain lines have been omitted.)
People are really shitty. (That includes me, jsyk.) I mean, you’ve got that kid who called [the geometry teacher] “Fatass”. You’ve got [a girl I hate]. You’ve got [that creepy kid nobody likes]. But I’m really talking about my ex-friends. Like, yeah, I know I fucked up. You don’t have to keep reminding me of how shitty I am. But tbh, I don’t think they even realize how shitty they’re being. They’ve gotta guilt trip me, [omitted], vent about me, then complain when I vent about them. And then that [omitted, referred to a person] has the audacity to say [pronoun omitted] MISSES me? Like bitch no the fuck you don’t! And NOBODY talks shit about my brother.
It’s like, yeah, I know I’m a shit person. But I made a mistake. We all do. but honestly pisses me off are shitty people who refuse to acknowledge that they’re being shitty. [omitted].
[omitted]. And I mean I never wanted to hate them like this. I wanted them to forgive and forget so that we could all be happy. But no. You say shit like “You’re scum” and [omitted] and calling my brother a fuckass. Newsflash, I love my brother. Newsflash, [omitted]. Newsflash, I’m human and humans make mistakes. It’s not my fault you have no logic or common sense.
If I had known you’d react like this, I never would have left. I would have been trapped [omitted], trapped in a mentally taxing friend group, trapped in a never-ending cycle of depression and self-doubt. [omitted]
[omitted my signoff]
I’m just so fucking tired of it all, I don’t even know if I can make it. Its easy for me to say that I wanna die but i just wish I never existed. But the truth is, I wanna live, it sounds selfish ik but I just wish I’d go through life without saying that I wanna kms every single time, to no longer feel like its better for me to be dead. To be able to feel like I belong, like I’m where I’m supposed to be. To be able to finally say, this life is worth living
something I wrote. it hold no reason other than thought
others leave without second thought
even if they see you distraught
they fill the void for a while
then they leave and take your smile
maybe its best to stick with the voices
you cannot be harmed by THEIR choices
they cannot strike you with serrated blade
their actions in only your mind can be made
often I think of laying for bed
my mothers cry when I lift not my head
though for reasons unspoken from such acts I refrain
I mustn’t bring those close to us such pain.
here I decided to start writing the chorus for a song
If I died, would you cry?
Would you wish I’d stayed alive?
Would you miss me, dream about me
When I’m gone?
Or would you laugh and celebrate?
Did you love me, anyway?
Would you go to my funeral,
When I’m gone?
the only thing keeping me from killing myself is the fact my mom would be heartbroken and it has been this way for 3 years now
So, where to begin. My brother is 18 and I’m 21. For our whole childhood we always never really got along. He has a different bio dad than I, same mom. We lived with mom and when mom got married, we got an amazing Dad. I have a closer relationship with him than my brother. My brother takes after his bio dad. He’s a lying, abusive, and sniveling prideful man. He’s a narcissist and he verbally abused me throughout my younger years. He is a spitting image of this man, and I always saw that as a kid which scared me. I wanted a brother I could be close with like everyone else was with their siblings and instead I got the spitting image of someone I couldn’t stand. After maybe 15 I cut my relationship with his dad (he was my stepdad from infancy till maybe I was 6 and by court orders I had to visit him which I had some trauma and issues form all that)
so obviously as you can tell I feel off with my brother because since childhood his dad always liked him more and that hurt me. So, I grew up resenting him and I didn’t treat him great either. As I got older, I came to terms with these things and I got better, especially in how I treated him. We had our good moments. But then as he got older his narcissism came out and he started becoming a teenage boy. He only cared about girls and porn and all the other worldly temptations. He started talking different and we sat in his room all day playing video games and treating women poorly too. Never abusive but if they hurt him and he talked so poorly about women. Calling them slurs and such. But as he got older, he suddenly NEEDED a girl’s attention. he craved the feeling of being in love, so he was in and out of relationships and the porn got really bad. I felt for him. Relationships are hard. But he kept chasing the wrong high from the wrong people and he got depressed.
He later broke our family’s heart and told us he was moving in with his bio dad which was crazy. His bio dad hunts a lot, and we were worried with his mental health he would harm himself. Thankfully nothing like that ever happened. But he became more out of control. He started vaping and got addicted quick. Drinking and partying. It was a miracle he even graduated from high school, but he did. He decided to join the military. He was jumped by a gang for running his mouth and got beat up which was scary. So many times, we feared he would run his big mouth with his stupid pride and got himself caught and he did a couple times. But he thought it made him an even bigger dog. Fast forward a couple months and he is about to ship out for the military. He meets a girl who we didn’t hear much about. It was just another girl. He ships out and things changed drastically. Or so we thought.
I moved to a new state to live with my grandparents as my parents were going to retire and live in Europe for a little. I gave my life to Christ and got baptized. I became a lot happier and felt better honestly not being stuck in the same old. Funnily enough, my brother also gave his life to Christ in the beginning of basic. We unintentionally got baptized the same day unplanned (how could we have planned it when they have no phones in basic! lol) Everything seemed like it was getting better. In his letters he explained how he was going to church and in a bible study group and God was moving and changing him for the better. I believed it, we all did and we were so happy. But when he came for the holidays, we were very quickly caught up. He still listened to awful music, cursed, vaped and drank. he was an idiot still. I was hurt because I had made up this new version that I thought he had become from his letters and it hurt me to see he hadn’t changed. And then this girl from before he left came up and he went and visited her for a week.
And now he has told us he is proposing to her and we’ve never met her. He graduates in a little over a week, and we are about to get meet her for the first time. I don’t even want to go. He’s already been super prideful about it and how she is the Love of his life an now he wants us to all treat her well. I don’t even want to go and part of me wants to cut him off so I can spare myself the hurt. I’m praying and I know God has me. But I’m so tired and scared and hurt.
christmas eve with your [#####] and [#####]
don’t wanna fight but your [#####] insists
dog’s white teeth slice right into my fist
drive to the er and they put me on risk
grocery store list now you get this
unchecked calls and messages
i don’t wanna be the owner of your fantasy
i just wanna be a part of your family
much too dumb for school and much too lazy for a job so i rode my bike like lightning and i made cappuccinos that would make the angels sing. took two showers a day and i dressed up like a princess, shoved my fist in my own face and said “i’ll show you who’s the best”. /lyrvent
here have some song lyrics I wrote while i probably should’ve been sleeping last night:
There’s water under the bridge
Rising up, flooding my head
I just wanna be far from here
But I have to hold on to the edge
If I were an airplane,
I’d fly and find a better day
away from all the feelings
Away from all the pain
I can barely breathe
There’s nothing left of me
And I’m afraid
That after all this,
Nothing’s gonna change!
Someone give me a key
because I’m trapped inside this mind
I just can’t be free
not until the end of time
All the words they said
Are filling up my head
so tell me, when?
When will I get my happy ending?
If mistakes are how you learn,
then nothing’s new, I guess
You lit me up and watched me burn
Made me second guess
Everything I’ve ever done for you!
Someone give me a key
because I’m trapped inside this mind
I just can’t be free
not until I’ve served my time
All the words you said
Are filling up my head
so tell me, when?
When do I get my happy ending?
Or is there just no happy ending?
If I were an airplane…
I’d fly until a better day…
What if I made my own key?
Maybe then, I’d find
That there’s a light inside of me
That been here all the time
And all the words they said
Will have no more effect
so maybe then
I’ll finally get my happy ending
I have no value. I’ve struggled with this realization since I was a kid. What I say, think, do… none of it has value. From when my parents would tell me I’m not as smart as my friend, or as pretty, as athletic, or responsible, I’ve known that I’m worth little to none. I speak and the conversation ends, I share something about myself and everyone stops listening. I open up to someone and they immediately leave. I’m well grown now and still face daily reminders. I try to reason that maybe they stopped responding because they got busy (every time??) or she ignoring what I say because she’s thinking about something (we were on vacation for a month and not once did I ever get a response). I allow myself to consider their significance and meaning to me, and they seem to lose interest in me immediately thereafter.
I’m gonna kms
there’s no doubt about it I just cant do life at this point and if I cant make ppl happy just being who I am then I’ll make everyone hate me then get out of their hair so that maybe then something I do can bring them joy.
I was having dreams last night, drowning in the pool, shooting myself in the head, overdosing on my magnesium. I have a plan in place. It’s just time I put it into motion. YOLO time bitches. if I can make everyone hate me enough to not miss me in this little bit of time I know I have left, then I fucking will.
So what if those bitches think I’m scum? so what if they hate me? so what if they wish me dead? well guess the fuck what, I’m already ahead of you. I’ve been hating myself since 5h grade. I’ve been knowing I’m scum since 7th. I’ve been wishing myself dead since 8th.
And hey, let’s face it. Nobody will care by the time it happens. I’ll have already pushed everyone so far away they’ll laugh and celebrate when I die. I’ll be the Charlie Kirk of my ex friends.
“stop victimizing yourself” bitch I’m not victimizing myself. I tried to be happy but you decided to hate me for it. It’s not my fault that you don’t know that friends leave sometimes. how about you fucking grow up and learn that life isn’t always gonna be perfect for you?
I’m not even gonna hide who I am. No more “nicknames”. no more hiding. I KNOW you’ll see this. and I hope you fucking do and I hope it pisses you off.
Also, stay the fuck out of my vents you assholes.
Dude I hate honors biology I study all the time and I pray (Muslim) extra duaas and yet I still feel underprepared for the test on thirsday idek what to do anymore like it’s just genuinely a lot then there is Spanish like omg why am I learning a language this late it won’t stick and I won’t learn it as well as if I did it young it’s so stupid. I’m crying everyday and this girl I’m friends with keeps talking about how she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety so she has it worse, she can just control it instead of sobbing in class like I do well good for you how do you know I don’t have that shi? I just haven’t went and got diagnosed idk man it’s like girl I don’t care when I’m the one upset yet you give 0 fs about it all.
I feel that I have no real friends and everyone only uses me when it’s only convenient to them. I feel that my so called “friends” are jealous of me because I’m the pretty friend the group. I have no one to go to about my problems because they take everything as a joke, and they’re gonna throw it back in my face. I’m a really nice person and don’t deserve how I am treated even when it comes down to dating. I’ve been through so much in the past 2 years I feel like I haven’t been at peace and actually happy. I feel like I just do stuff to escape from the things that I actually have to deal with in reality. I feel like I’m so out of touch with myself I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I haven’t felt anything in a long time I just want to be happy, but I can’t because I have people in my life that try to throw low blows at me because they feel like I’m better then them when all I’m trying to do is be myself I’m only 18 with a lot of life to live. But for the longest people have always been jealous of me:(
Him and I brokeup exactly 5 months ago,
He with someone new so am I. Whenever i feel sad and hopeless i really hope he is here for reassurance. I feel like i really need it from him. I moved on i literally am but for somehow i feel he is still here with us eventhough we brokeup. he still contact with my mother. He tryna hard to make the relationship feel healthy without cutting off people yk. I feel terrible whenever my mom brings up about him feel bad for my boyfriend too. He is my first boyfriend and my relationship too. The most healthiest relationship ever but idk how we endup here. i feel so sad cuz im breaking down n thinking i need him. I just hope he text me on my birthday. i didnt get proper explanation before breaking up i feel im holding grudge. i hate it.
I’m not about to write some sob story, this is a directed message but anyone may feel free to read, know that if you do not know us you will not need to feel the hatred directed towards whom this is about.
you’re all fucking assholes. toxic ass bitches.
each and every one of you need to fuck off at this point.
I’m writing this out of my anger and the pain of my headmates.
I’m not looking for apologies. I’m looking for the justice of never having to see your faces or hear these spoiled names again.
Mi told host to khs.
B stalked us.
S ghosted us.
O left for a nazi.
J ghosted us too.
Cl and N stayed by O’s side despite knowing it made my headmates and our friends uncomfortable.
Ca was still friends with Mi and O. she drew her last straw.
Ch was instructed to ghost us by an openly toxic person.
those people already fucked up. A fucked up just as bad and unlike others who, for the most part, back the fuck off, A doesnt know when to fucking stop.
A knows who they are, guaranteed to be the one who sees this. the only one we know and can confirm has access to and knowledge of this website.
A. you left your partner over a playing card. made false claims about our sister to her ex. befriended O as soon as you could when you left. tried to talk to us despite knowing damn well we would rather die than hear your voice ever again. and. so. much. more.
ill make it crystal clear for you all. we don’t fucking like A. he needs leave us alone already and. fuck. off.
stop making vents about us.
stop being everywhere.
stop victimizing yourself for your own actions.
stop trying to guilt trip us.
“don’t be mad at all of us”
even if you shut others out they can still stop you if you are causing harm.
you all has a choice. get over yourselves.
you are all dead to us.
the pity card wont work.
if i’m honest? Pup was right to not trust you. ever since the first issue with O that trust from them was broken and the others called them silly for it.
yet they were right. the whole time they were right.
nobody should have trusted scum like you, A, and it shows.
fuck off and leave us all alone.
anyone else feel free to give input, or not, up to you.
wtf why is my friend such a bich always fcking mocking me ignoring me cussing at me i need help fr so fcking annoying i cling onto them so i dont look a fcking depressed loner ik theyre so toxic they only do it to me they sht talk behind my back as well to ppl they dont even like wtf is wrong with them why do they feel the need to act superior and look down on me someone help me ik im not gonna leave them ive been ignoring them lately but idk what else to do
I love him. I think despite it all I always will. I feel tied to him by fate even if it feels like falling in love with fire.
so, I’ve been abused with my sister husband, sexually abused for almost 6 years, my parents are so poor to make me and other sibling to make us go to school, I didn’t say anything, I endured because that was i thinking, I always say “you could think for urself once too, and it’s okay”, “you’re letting yourself get used”, until i’m 17th, i’m starting to feel soffucated, my sister husband is controlling me, they kinda rich, so they get me in to school, senior high, in the 12th grade I enter my first ever real relationship with a girl (i’m a girl too) that when i had some courage to not go back to my older sister house, and said everything. after that, my sister blaming why i told it so late, our parents could afford my schools and also her my sister, that what i think at first, they like blaming me why i never told, then i just say sorry like it’s my fault, it’s entirely my fault. Then after a year my older sister birthday held in our parents house, i didn’t know she will bring her husband and some people, they forgive that jerk without asking if it’s okay for me or i forgive him, and my sister said that, it’s not her husband who will get embarrassed is the truth will come out, she said it’s me. I’m thinking why me? i’m the one who got raped? fuckkm, i cryy and hate my sister, then after that my parents got me in college, i thought they right i should it earlier my parents can pay, but no. my mom have cancer and we don’t know it because my mother will always prioritize me and my tuition fee’s, until later that we realize she already have cancer with stage 4, eventually she didn’t make it and blame my self again, if i hadn’t go to school, does mom will be cure her illness could be figure out much sooner? it haunts me, again and again. And now my father is in debt, paying my tuition, my brother allowance, daily needs and the debts, he is struggling and my sister said she will help? yes, a money from his jerk husband, and they asking me why i’m not going to gatherings, reunion that with them? stupidsss. and it’s so hard to find work while studying…
I’ve been wanting to cut my wrists and my face, I feel like “see me, see me” but I’d be too ashamed to face anybody if I did because what’s the point in cutting in visible areas if it’s not to kill myself like you might as well slit ur throat or cut ur wrists if you do that you dumb fuck. I hope he has a shitty day, I hope it’s so shitty he jumps off a bridge. I WANNA SCREAM SO BAD BUT I NEVER HAVE THE PRIVACY TO JUST LET IT OUT. LET ME JUST GET ONE GOOD SCREAM AND I’D FEEL AT LEAST A FRACTION OF A PIECE BETTER, I need to scream till my lungs hurt and my throat is raspy and I can’t scream anymore, I need it to hurt. Everyone wants me to kill myself everyone does so I just should, I should kms I should kms I should kms fuck me fuck my life right I’m a joke I’m a piece of shit I’m a dog I’m a dirty fucking dog I’m not worth the roof over my head or the shoes on my feet you all could just walk over me because I’m less that dirt I’m filth just walk by as I die on the street let me bleed out in broad daylight and pass by and look at me funny I want to drown myself I want to cut myself …
I’m never going to understand this am I? My whole life I was taught that your siblings are always going to be there for you. That is such a lie. My half-brother is my rapist/abuser. My sister watched it happen and didn’t do anything to save me. I was only 6 when this started happening. I’ve tried to press charges so many times. But this last time was the final straw. My sister had a “friend” of hers over. He spent the night, around 2am my door opens. I see him (the “friend”) standing in my room. I asked him what he was doing. He simply said “Nothing, don’t worry about it. Everything is going to be fine. You’ll enjoy this.”. His name is Marcus. I told my sister and she said “Oh Marcus would never do that. He likes me not you. Stop doing this for attention.” In my head I just want to know what the actual fuck is going on in my family members head where they think that shit like this is ok. If I tell my parents they’re just going to believe her. I don’t even care anymore. I’m only 15 and I’m moving out on Saturday and I never want to see any of them ever again.
hey I’m new here sorry bout the username it was the first thing that came to mind lol
ok idrk what this site is but uhm ig I have a bit of a problem?
ok so I’m like polyamorous right
I have these two friends (Sabrina [she/her] and Gavin [he/him] but those aren’t there real names)
me and Sabrina are both single Gavin’s taken, neither me nor Sabrina are looking for a relationship at the moment (keep this in mind)
So my lunch friend group (me, sabrina, Gavin, Ella [she/her], and Will [he/him]) are like that one friendgroup you have where everyone like flirts with each other yk its just our thing, we caress each other’s arms and make like platonically sexual joke towards each other (we all know what we’re comfortable with, and never cross clearly set boundaries, everyone’s comfortable with these jokes dw) even tho Ella and Will are like dating for like 7 months now
ok so I sit between Gavin and Sabrina at the lunch table and so we really go at each other with the flirty jokes n stuff, holding eachothers hands, Gavin even tends to put his arm across my shoulders sometimes so this is like normal for us right? but like today Gavin just like very casually slid his hand into mine like he does a lot, and it felt kinda different, not like he was doing it any differently than he always did but like I was like responding to it differently? idk but my stomach got butterflies and so to like get the feeling to pass I took Sabrina’s hand but then the butterflies only got worse smh and then on the way back to class from lunch we were all three of us holding hands as we walked down the hall and omg the butterflies were going crazy, idek why they were there
and I’m terrible at identifying my feelings so does this mean I like… like them or smt?
and also Sabrina’s pan and Gavin’s bi and I’m omni rotating pref if that helps?
“Did you ever even care about my happiness? Or was it all just a lie?”
I’m back with my ex again I don’t know how this will do if I could have advice..please
I hate him, hate him so fucking bad he’s my own personal hell. I’m sooo cutting myself for this. “Can’t make friends” my ass, istfg I want him to khs. I want him to die for the sake of my physical and mental well-being, he makes me SICK, he makes me fucking sick I wanna puke. Like he makes me want to tear my flesh apart I want to fucking tie a noose to my neck, attach it to a brick and throw myself into a river even just THINKING about him, I hate him so bad I hate him I hate him I HATE HIM I HATE HIM SO FUCKING BAD I WANT TO SCREAMM. Please please please die die die I want him dead so bad he doesn’t even want to live kys already ugh. But then I feel bad, he’s not terrible it’s just me, my imagination and my feelings, nothing is his fault or at least I can’t tell anymore. We can’t coexist though like, aha, I NEED. I NEEEEEED. HIM, TO, DIE, or else, I have to kms, there is no other option like we cannot both be alive simultaneously on this planet I’m BEGGING PLEADING PRAYING HOPING MANIFESTING ALL OF THE ABOVE THAT HE JUST FUCKING LEAVES MEEE I need that closure. Just tell me you hate me, cmonnn tell me you want me to kms and you hate me I know you doooo like it’s fine, I won’t tell anyone. I need him to release me from his grasps, just say you don’t want to be friends anymore, idkf do SOMETHING you little FUCKING CUNT PIECE OF SHIT I HOPE YOUR LITTLE BITCH OF A FRIEND DIES TOO IDGAF IF HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT I HOPE HE GETS KIDNAPPED, TORTURED AND SLAUGHTERED LIKE THE FAT FUCKING VILE DISGUSTING MOTHERFUCKING PIG HE IS AND YOU TOO YOU FUCKING SHIT YOUR SUCH AN ASS AND I HOPE UUUUGHHH WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY I FUCKING HATE YOU WHY COULDNT YOU LOVE ME THATS ALL I FUCKING WANT ITS ALL I WANT, I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME. ITS HARD FOR ME TO ADMIT AND I WONT ACTUALLY LET YOU BUT I WANT TO BE YOUR EVERYTHING THE WAY YOU ARE MINE YOU SICK FUCKING PARASITE YOU FUCKING SADIST PATHETIC MANIPULATIVE CUNT YOUR A FUCKING BITCH I HATE YOU I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WONT LOVE ME, I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG I WAS DOING MY BEST, I EVEN FUCKING, UGH, I CARED, I CARE ABOUT YOU. I WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY, I WANTED YOU TO BE BETTER, I WANTED TO BE BETTER, I WANTED TO BE BETTER FOR YOU, I ASKED, I TRIED, I ASKED WHAT I NEED TO DO JUST TELL ME TELL ME HOW TO CHANGE I’D DO IT, FUUUUUUUCK I HATE YOU, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CUT MYSELF BECAUSE OF YOU? HOW MANY TEARS I’VE SHED BECAUSE OF YOU? THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I’D SIT AND JUST CRY BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL? HATED, UNLOVABLE, STUPID, PATHETIC, ALONE, WORTHLESS, I FEEL LIKE A DOG BECAUSE OF YOU, I HAAAATE MYSELF BECAUSE OF YOU. I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO DIE MORE THAN I HAVE AFTER I HAVE MET YOU. I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO HURT MYSELF, YOU MAKE ME WANT TO HURT MYSELF YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY I FEEL STUPID I FEEL DERANGED AND CRAZY AND OBSESSED AND LIKE I’M NOT ALLOWED TO EXIST. I RELAPSED SO MANY FUCKING TIMES BECAUSE OF YOU, I’ve never been more happy than when you come around but I’ve also never felt more miserable, utterly, horrifyingly miserable, than when I’m with you. ill, I starve, I shake, I cry, I can’t breathe, my chest hurts, my heart physically fucking hurts, my stomach, you give me butterflies and you give me cramps. You give me a reason to live and you take my will to live. I can’t ever seem to stop thinking about you no matter how hard I try and I loathe it, hate it, despise it with every bloody bone in my body. The amount of times I’ve written your name. The amount of times the thought of you has ran through my mind, or the hours I’ve spent talking about you, I’m BAWLING my eyes out right now cuz of you. NOTHING EVER SEEMS TO WORK, NOTHING I DO EVER WORKS SO IM USELESS RIGHT? I SHOULD JUST FUCKIN DIE I SHOULD JUST KILL MYSELF SINCE I CANT SEEM TO MAKE MYSELF HELPFUL FOR YOU do you even still think about me? At all? I just, want to be on your mind. Just once, think of me, please? I, unfortunately, I love you. Oh how much I love you, the things I’d do, the things I do for you. If only you could appreciate and reciprocate but that’s too much of me to ask for. Do you still consider me your friend? Do you think I’m weird? Do you still want to be friends? Have you ever even thought of me in your free time? Do you think I’m joking when I say I think about you all the time? Do you know where my mind wonders every second of every day? You, you. Every time there’s nothing to think about. Every time there’s too much to think about. Everything I see that one specific color or that one object or drink or cake or any pastry for that matter, every hat, every sweater, every cartoon, every time I see someone in any sort of relationship with another person, every person with short hair, every time I read poetry or see pins or a specific type of person or a sound or every sad song I hear it’s all you and it’s like, I tell you that and you treat it like it’s nothing. Like it’s a joke to you, meaningless, when I’m telling you your infectious to my mind. That’s not nothing to me, it’s like your undermining my feelings, my thoughts, my emotions and who I am as a person. You’re a part of who I’ve become and I don’t think there’s any going back no matter how much I yearn for it. You don’t think I regret this too? You don’t think I want to go back in time, or to desperately forget you? You know what I want, I want to wake up one morning and be free from you. I want to forget your alive, I want to live Normally again. I want my freedom back. I want my mind back, I want my personality back, you altered me in so many ways that I wish weren’t that didn’t need to change and they all changed for the worst too. You make me a terrible fucking person. You make me hate life. You make me want to do bad things to you, you know? The things I’d fucking do to you, you can’t even begin to have a clue you damn bastard. You’re the worst. The worst of the worst and I hope you know it but I don’t doubt you already do. Feels like this is all on purpose and you’re just toying with my mind and you know it. I don’t know how to stop you. You mean so much and I wonder how I can mean so little to you. As much, as I’d want you to love me back, I don’t need that. I just, want you to care about our relationship. Just, even a little. Just think about us. Take one second out of your day, please, I wanna say for me but, you couldn’t give less of a shit for a dirty mangy mutt like myself can you. I deserve to die
Hi guys i was scared to vent here bc im young and preds are everywhere but i will because i want to
I really hate my life honestly nothing ever goes my way and ive just never been happy ocne
i thought i was happy in 7th grade but i wasnt i just had people to talk to and hide how i actually felt and how my life was out side of school
I always went to school making my friends believe i was upset because of something small when it was always more then that
My mom has always blamed everything on me my entire life and because of that ive had a guilt as if everything that hapens was my fault. In 2017 i was 7. We got evicted and she yelled at me and hit me telling me it was my fault because idk i was “seducing” the landlord and making him tempted to do something to me and because she was not letting him he kicked us out.
i feel like this was ridiculous.
i was a child being FRIENDLY. Its alwsy been this way becaue i was bigger and chubbier then other girls.
Shes alwsys blamed me for everything. Her gaining weight after having me. MY FAULT
Us getting evicted and loosing everything we owned two years ago. MY FAULT
her being stressed snd having to smoke and drink every. Single. Day. MY FAULT.
I not understand?
I do everything right ive always went to school and tried my best.
I always got up in the morning and tried to brush my teeth and do good for me self because i wanted them to not know i was miserable.
I always tried my hardest and she never noticed. Everything good i did i show her she never cares. Everyt hing good my brothers do she cares.
Ive always hated and envyed my brothers just be cause they were her favorites got all her attention and because they were boys.
If their fat no one cares they can still get treated like human beings.
But hecause i was a girl it was like she just automatically hated me. I never got the things they did or got to do what they did. I never understand.
I hate my brothers because they knew but never tried to help me. They gaslighted me my whole life and manipulated me i to thinking her being this way towards me was okay. Ive vented to others like me and they say it never okay. Its just disgusting behavior.
Im so scared to open up to her about anything because she dosent care about me and dosent litsen. She just dosent. I cant open up about my depression or my stress or anything about me i hate bacuse she dosent care and she isnt the only one. No one else in my family does.
I stupidly open up to my brother all the time and he dosent care. He tells me to ignore it and brushes it off.
I thiught i could escape to my aunt and my grandparents or cousins anyone but no one cares. “Your too young to experience that!”
“That didnt happen to you !”
It did. I just chise to ignore it.
Im black by the way. Mental health dosent exist in our culture apparently. I genuinely just hate everyone and everything.
I cant keep friends, i cant keep anything in my life because my mom always drinks and soends her money on beer whisky whatever drugs weed whatever she can find and misses rent and bills and we just get evicted all over again. I dont have a child hood home. I dont live anywhere soecial. I have never had a room. Ive never had a lot in my life and ive just accoeted the fact that if im not rich or pretty and skinny ill never have any of that.
I had a group of friends in 7th grade. I thought they were different. But in the end when we all got to 8th grade they left me and forgot about me. I thought they were my friends but i realized i was the floater friend and will always be the fliater friend. I was depressed then and ive always been depressed.
I thought i was happy in 8th grade new school new house. I thought i could make new friends and change my life around atleast a tiny bit. But of course im chubby and different. I get bullied have a whole school hate me have a miserable last EVER year of 8th grade. None of the teachers were on my side, it was always MY FAULT like it always is in life.
I never have ever ever ever told anyone this. But towards the end of 8th grade we had another eviction. I started showing up less we stayed in hotel after hotel. Soon we ran out of money lived in a car for 5 months. It was hot and horrible we had to stay at a library every day. Sleep in the car in random parking lots until daytime where we would do it all over again. And what can u assume? Of course it was my fault. But even thought that was our situation, my mom can u guess what she did? Drink and smoke. We ran out of gas had to walk and get gas. Beg people. I genuinely felt homeless and miserable. I barley ate developed an eating disorder. I never told anyone but this was the lowest part of my life, it sucked and i jjust wanted to die.
I had to go to summer school even while living in a car. I just wanted to drop out and die in a fucking ditch. Sorry for cursing. I just didn’t want to live anymore. Ive never wanted to. I attempted once but it hurt so i never did it again. I used to eat pills and none ever worked so i stopped. I used to starve myself for days hoping it would slowly work and it didnt work only made me loose my period. I grew up developed so many things i have memory issues re accruing migranes that feel like someone stomped on my head. Stomach pains that feel like i got stabbed and so kuch pain in my bladder everywhere. Ive never been healthy. Not mentally or physically.
I had a fight sith my mom a few ago. She was drunk and high yesterday dirtied her pillow i told her i saw her. The cameraas didnt show it because they were dead. She blamed me and hit me yelled at me and hit me. I bled. It hurt and i cried
I dont even understand why im sharing this much i just want to understand why this happens to me. Ive always hoped the next day would be better but ive been through everything and nothing ever gets better for me. Sometimes i do wonder if the world wpuld just be better if i died.
I feel as though i may do something permanently one of these days.
My name is mimi, im 15 i like sharks and my favorite color is brown, blue and, yellow!
My birthday is in a few days.
I really like talking and reading all kinds of things! Things that really interest me are politics and crime. I dont really havie anything i care for in life but i hole you do and take car of it and cheish it!
Love evryone and i hope u guys have an amazing day! : )
my boyfriend is in a mental hospital and i started talking to predators online because i have no hope and i wanna die and everything sucks im gonna hurt
myself atp
I can’t keep lying to myself anymore. I honestly feel so bad about me and myself and how I look. I asked someone to be my Valentine and girlfriend no response yet…
You know exactly who you are. and who I am.
Sapphire is confused. Cartter’s just himself, but honestly worse. Bax is indifferent, they never had any particular affection for anyone they knew. Mushroom has no idea what’s happened. I’m generally indifferent, you never were anything to me. Allen locked front, he doesn’t want to deal with us anymore, but I managed to get him to let me out for a bit. Aether just doesn’t care, he was tired of everyone calling him “unc” anyway. We gained a new one, Carlos, who thinks Allen could’ve handled it better.
Clive’s right, I am kinda confused, I don’t know why Allen did this. I just hope… nevermind. Allen wouldn’t want me to say that, and neither would they, I suppose… Cartter would say something, but he’s a little angry with Allen, and trying to hide that anger. What me and Clive are trying to say is don’t be mad at ALL of us, please. This was all Allen’s decision. But… he is happy with his new friends, and glad to see that you guys seem… generally still happy without him, at least on the outside. He read all your posts, and he’s… understandably shaken (I am choosing my words SO CAREFULLY here and still failing at keeping my head cool). His exact words were, “Nothing like going through your ex’s vent posts about you… I feel like an asshole. Probably cause I am, but… y’know.”
I love lying to myself.
“It’s for me, so I can be happier!”
It’s for him, because I didn’t want it to become toxic.
“I’m not mad!”
I’m pissed, but with myself.
“It’s ok. I don’t care anymore. they’re all in my past!”
My hands are shaking.
It wasn’t you.
It was me.
It was all me.
I’m right here.
Can’t you see I’m waiting?
I took too long.
I ventured to far.
While you were waiting.
So does that make me the monster?
Does that mean I’m in the wrong?
I was the problem, hiding all along.
M y h a n d s a r e s h a k i n g .
If I could take us back, if I could just do that
And write in every empty space the words “I love you” in replace
Then maybe time would not erase me
If you could only know I never let you go
And the words I most regret
Are the ones I never meant to leave
Unsaid Emily
“you can’t tame me, just blame me. Make me obsolete. There’s nothing left to say. Just let me fade away…”
Dear Allen,
I hate to say, but you don’t exist! At least, according to my parents, you don’t.
Dear Allen,
Sometimes I just wanna scream, cause everyone’s always so mean! But I’m quiet…
Dear Allen,
How’s it been in nonexistence? Well, I guess I know the answer to that one…
Dear Allen,
You’re not alone in nonexistence! Because, if you don’t exist, neither do I…
Someday, we’ll exist, but not tonight.
my friend tried to commit andd i dont know what to do to help her feel better her parents are really strict christians and she is more free spirit